How many of us often say yes to folks even when within we are not willing to agree.We find it difficult to say no to any request, though we are not inclined to carrying out what has been requested of us.
Very often we just nod to another person's point of view, without voicing our own opinion which might be just the opposite. This we do either because we are cowards, or because we want to show people that we are with them. Doing so is nothing but being dishonest. Since we lack the guts to contradict or refuse or we do not want to displease the other, we simply nod and agree. One must remember that it is not possible to please all at all times. Quite the contrary Herbert Bayard says "I cannot give you the formula for success, but I can give you the formula for failure -- Try to please everybody"
Women, in fact have been taught to be dishonest. Always say yes, always agree, do not argue, it is not good for a girl to state her point of view!! For this reason women find it extremely difficult to say 'no'. They have been socialized all through their lives to serve, please and acquiesce. They cannot have an opinion of their own nor can they disagree with the opinionated. In a patriarchal world if the girl falls into this stereotypical behaviour pattern of agreeing to do all that has been asked of her, then and only then she is supposed to have been brought up properly! The entire process of socialization of women is to make them internalize the concept of dependency which is crippling to the development of their personality. The 'robotization' of women is their incarceration in a patriarchal world. Such robots are then controlled by a remote that takes the form of customs, traditions, habits, superstitions, norms religion etc. All this stifles the woman's life into serfdom and serfdom alone!
However there are many men too who simply say 'yes' and are thus robotized, how else can patriarchy then perpetuate? If the man questions the injustice will women be socialized in this manner? well the man too has been socialized not to question the unjust order. Or may be he just prefers the unjust order, for that then gives him the power to reign!
It is important that we should be liberated - free from all kinds of binds and limitations. free from always having to say 'yes' having to 'agree' and having to 'obey'. We must be free from being told where and when to go, what to do, how to dress, what choices to make, how to behave etc. Norms - if they must exist for some kind of order - then such norms must apply to all! The Poem written by Barbara K. Bassett clearly underlines how one can get into bondage if one simply agrees since s/he cannot stand up and disagree when
ANGELA'S WORD
When Angela was very young
Age two or three or so,
Her mother and her father
Taught her never to say NO.
They taught her that she must agree
With everything they said,
And if she didn't she was spanked
And sent upstairs to bed
So Angela grew up to be
A most agreeable child;
She was never angry
And she was never wild;
She always shared, she always cared,
She never picked a fight,
and no matter what her parents said,
She thought that they were right!
Angela the angel did very well in school
And, as you might imagine, she followed every rule;
Her teachers said she was so well - bred,
So quiet and so good,
but how Angela felt inside
They never understood.
Angela had lots of friends
Who liked her for her smile;
They knew she was the kind of gal
who'd go the extra mile;
And even when she had a cold
And really needed rest,
When someone asked if sh\d help
She always answered YES.
When Angela was thirty three, she was a lawyer's wife.
She had a home and family, and a nice suburban life
She had a little girl of four
And a little boy of nine,
And if someone asked her how she felt
She always answered 'fine'
But one cold night near Christmas time
When her family was in bed,
She lay awake as awful thoughts went spinning through her head;
She didn't know why, she didn't know how,
But she wanted her life to end;
So she begged whoever put her here
To take her back again.
And then she heard from deep inside,
A voice that was soft and low;
It only said a single word
And the word it said was... NO
From that moment on, Angela knew
Exactly what she had to do.
Her life depended on that word,
So this is what her loved ones heard:
NO, I just don't want to;
NO, I don't agree:
NO, that's yours to handle:
NO, that's wrong for me:
NO, I wanted something else:
NO, that hurt a lot!
No, I'm tired, and NO I'm busy,
And NO, I'd rather not!
Well, her family found it shocking,
Her friends reacted with surprise;
But Angela was different, You could see it in her eyes:
For they've had no meek submission
Since that night three years ago
When Angela the Angel
Got permission to say NO.
Today Angela's a person first, then a mother and a wife.
She knows where she begins and ends,
She has a separate life.
She has talents and ambitions,
She has feelings, needs and goals.
She has money in the bank
And an opinion at the polls!
And to her boy and girls she says,
"It's nice when we agree:
But if you can't say NO, you'll never grow
To be all you're meant to be.
Because i know that I am sometimes wrong
And because I love you so,
You'll always be my angels
Even when you tell me NO!
~~~Barbara K. Bassett
~~~Crystal David John
